Stop There, Therapist!! Are you taking good care of yourself?

By Aiala

When speaking about giving to others for countless of hours, sometimes even prioritizing their needs before mine, I can say I used to be a winner. Sounds familiar? I didn't realize how bad this was, until one day I started feeling resented towards my closest friends. Deep inside I felt that I couldn't deny any favor, or even say that this wasn't the right time to talk. I would push tons of my personal needs just to attend everyone else’s, including my family's. 

And when I became a therapist, this issue obviously burst into my clinic. Patients would come late, or wanted to stay longer; or didn't want to leave at all! They would call at any time or asked me for personal favors; the case is that I found myself struggling for the sake of therapeutic boundaries and keeping a setting. The issue kept popping up, and took tons of my energy and concentration that should be focused on the patients and their therapies. This, plus my self-criticizing habit was an exiting receipt for self-discouragement (thoughts of: this is not for me, I’m a terrible professional, I’ll never succeed before going mad etc.) and obviously working tons of extra hours just to put everything together. I felt exhausted; physically and emotionally.

Then, one amazing day, a Jewish statement got into my life and definitely changed it for good:

"He [Hillel] used to say, if I am not for me who is for me, if I am not for myself what am I, and if not now, when." (Ethics of the Fathers, 1:14).

Well, as a person that believes in Divine Providence, I thought that this might have something to do with my issue and hoped that one day I would have the time to investigate about the topic. But in the meantime, while I was still so busy, I would just leave it in my “yet to do box” at the basement of my unconscious mind.

After some time, I happened to mention the statement above en passant in a supervision session, and we started to talk about how overwhelmed I was feeling. I even started to resent some of my patients, and this was obviously affecting the quality of my job. I thought the conversation was going to turn over to the “counter-transference” style and meeting the shadow story, when out of the blues my supervisor asked me: are you taking good care of yourself?

Excuse me? – I asked. (I thought I didn’t understand the question). She repeated it, stared at me and then repeated the question one more time, adding some “you know…taking care of yourself. Exercising, therapy, having fun sometimes…” well, I obviously wasn’t. And then it all sunk in: if I am not there for me who is? Meaning, that I can give to others, real giving, only after my own vessel is full.  

Reading different articles on the subject, I came to realize that many therapists find themselves in the same boat, ending up totally burned out specially the fresh ones.

Click here to read more about the hazards of the profession to the therapist (including emotional depletion, depression and helplessness), and here to read about the hazards to the therapist’s family (including emotional drain, jealous and treating family as patients). You will realize that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

Below are some things I have tried and found helpful to improve my self-care as a therapist and as a human being. Hope they are of some help to you too.

Praying

I pray or practice a short meditation before starting my day, and when I get to the clinic. It helps me feeling reassured, guided and secure.

Exercising

I have found exercising an amazing source of renewal and re-energizing! Whatever works for you is good. I walk (it helps me clear my mind) and dance zumba! Its tons of fun J

 Therapy and Supervision

I believe both are a must. About therapy, there might be times you are in need of a rest and I believe that’s ok too. Still, it’s something that should be around. About supervision, I believe that for the first five years it’s mandatory and responsible to get it. After that, you will become a supervisor yourself J

Keeping a Journal

I love keeping a journal made of white, plain papers where I can write and draw, all at the same time if necessary. I take it with me mostly everywhere; so whenever I feel overwhelmed or just like expressing or ventilating, I can do it! Lucia Cappachione talks a lot about it (see video below).

 Join a group of colleagues and/or forums on psychotherapy

Researchers [i] have found that most feelings of incompetence, stress, depression and drop – out of the therapy career in novice therapists emerge from their lack of “community” support, over - exigency and unrealistic expectations about their selves and their work. Joining a group has helped me to feel supported and confident about my work, while sharing my doubts and distress with colleagues that also share similar experiences and distresses and are willing to talk about it in a non-judgmental environment.

Hope these helped a bit. If you have your own trade-mark tips, please share them with us! We’ll all gain tons of it!

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[i] Feelings of Incompetence in Novice Therapists: Consequences, Coping and Correctives.

Anne Therialult, Nicole Gazzola and Brian Richardson (University of Ottawa).

Canadian Journal of Counseling, 2009.